In my last post, we met Agnes Greenlees’ father. I will now introduce you to her mother. Frank Darroch wrote "William Greenlees' wife was Anne Findlay of Kilmacolm. Her father was William Findlay and she had two brothers, John and Robert.”[1] I am unsure why he said Anne was "of Kilmacolm," for the christening and census records all show the Findlay family at Inverkip. Perhaps as an adult, she moved to Kilmacolm and met William Greenlees there. I have based the following vignette on that presumption.
This story will allow us to imagine what William and Anne's courtship might have been like.
William Meets Anne's Family
It was Easter Sunday, April 7, 1821. The Findlay family had a dinner guest, William Greenlees. He and Anne had been courting for a few months and she brought him to the farm to meet her family. They had all attended the Easter Service in Inverkip earlier in the day. It was especially meaningful, for Mr. Findlay's wife had passed away and he was struggling with it. Anne and her brothers also took it hard, for even adult children are not prepared to lose their mother. The sermon about the resurrection and hope of an afterlife resonated with the family.
Now they were enjoying their Easter meal together. The evening was going well. Anne's father and brothers were impressed with William. Not that he was flashy--quite the opposite--he was reserved. But he had a quiet way about him that made you feel comfortable. William was asking her father and siblings about the farm and they were enjoying it. William was also a farm labourer, so they had lots in common. John was taking over the farm from his father. Robert would work off the farm until his dad retired.
William said, "So, Robert, Anne tells me you are the coachman for the Laird of Gourock. What's that like--driving coach for the Laird?"
"He's got lots of land and money, but he's getting old and doesn't like change. His son is all about modernizing the stables and such, so when he takes over, things will be up to date."
Anne had retired to the kitchen to clean up after the meal. She no longer lived at Inverkip with her family, but the domestic chores defaulted to her whenever she came home, especially in the absence of her mom. Anne had moved to Kilmacolm to work as a domestic and returned home to Inverkip to help her father whenever she could. She felt obliged to keep a stiff upper lip and get the family through this. The silver lining was that the extra responsibilities helped her forget her own grief.
Over the ensuing months, Anne got to know William better and better. She learned he had been discharged from the Scots Greys due to an injury. That explained his limp. He had psychological wounds, too, so he often sealed off his emotions, but Anne's smile and kind ways were softening his heart.
Anne would invite William back to Inverkip more and more.
"Why do you go back to your family so often?" he would ask.
"Because that's what families do. We help when times are toughest."
William's company was good for her father, for he enjoyed the male company and hearing about William's time with the Greys. It was good for her brothers, for the 15 years difference in age made him relatable yet they looked up to him as their senior. The four of them enjoyed each other so much that it seemed to Anne she might be an after-thought!
She wondered if her relationship with William was going anywhere. She was patient and had intuited he would not move quickly into a relationship. They had talked about marriage in a round-about way, without actually saying the m-word. By autumn, William knew it was about time to propose, so he quietly approached Anne's father to ask for her hand. Mr. Findlay was pleased. He thought to himself, "She is well into the age of being a spinster--and William would be a wonderful son-in-law. He isn't rich, but he treats her well."
Even with his future-father-in-law's sanction, William was scared to ask Anne. It is funny that he was willing to ride into cannon fire, yet had to steel himself for this proposal. Being clumsy with words, he rehearsed in his mind the simple but terrifying question: "Anne, will you marry me?" He promised himself he would propose at the next opportunity back in Kilmacolm. That chance wasn’t long in coming.
One warm fall evening, he went to the home where Anne worked as a domestic. He invited her out for a walk. He did his best to generate some small talk but Anne could sense something was afoot. William could tell that she knew, so it was time to "man up" and do it. In spite of his hundreds of inward rehearsals, his words failed him.
“Anne,” he stammered, “Will you...will you...m….” He could not even finish the question.
Not to worry. She rescued him.“Yes!” she said.
He exhaled and smiled. “How did you know what I was going to ask?”
“How could I not know? Yes, I will marry you!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Fate has brought us together, and nothing but death could part us.”
Her words sounded poetic in the moment. Neither of them suspected, however, they would also prove to be prophetic.
The above vignette is mostly fictional, so I will point out the facts. Anne's father and indeed, all of society, would have considered her a spinster. The term originally referred to occupation rather than marital status. Before spinning became ubiquitous in Scotland, it was commonly done by unmarried women. Over time, the word spinster eventually denoted a single woman past the typical age to wed. There was no specific age defined, but it was often presumed to be the late twenties. Anne turned 31 in the spring of 1822.
Being a spinster did not mean you could not attract a suitor. One 19th-century publication "...encouraged women to remain choosy in selecting a mate — even at the price of never marrying."[2] That might be a precursor to the more contemporary quote, "It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man at all." Spinsterhood was often a choice, especially if one had to tend to an ailing parent, as might have been the case with Anne. I will later give evidence Anne's father was a widower, although I do not know when his wife died.
The above snippets about Anne's brothers' occupations are based on census records. The 1841 census simply recorded that John and Robert were farmers. The 1851 census specified that Robert had 46 acres, and John was a "farmer of 105 acres employing two labourers." Most farmers were tacksmen or crofters, receiving their croft or land from their fathers. We have no records to substantiate what Mr. Finlay did for a living, but the fact his sons were farmers indicates he likely was as well. Also, the village of Inverkip was small compared to the rural population, so from numbers alone, it is likely the Finlays farmed.
But the sons were not always farmers. Frank Darroch wrote that Robert served as coachman to the Laird of Gourock.[3] That was Duncan Darroch, 1st of Gourock. You might wonder if he was related to our Darroch line, but he was no known relation to us (the Darrochs of Mulmorich). There are so few Darroch families, however, they all deserve a mention. I gave a brief description of him in a previous post. I am not the only one nor the first to do so. Frank devoted a section of his book to "Darroch of Gourock."[4] Colin Darroch gives a fuller background of the Darrochs of Gourock in his 2021 book, Searching For The Darroch Family: The Possible Origins, History From The 1300s and Contributions They Made. (Read the first few pages here on Amazon.)
Robert Findlay's future niece, Agnes Greenlees, would marry John Darroch in 1849, which is a fun coincidence in our family lore. Robert's employment with the Laird of Gourock is based purely on geographic location and the fact that the Laird thought Robert would be a good hire. As I mentioned, the Darrochs of Gourock have no known relationship to our line.
It appears the 'd' in Findlay was inserted during Anne's generation. All her siblings were christened as Finlay but subsequent census and marriage records show Findlay or Findley. Descendents spelled their surname as Findlay. You might find Agness Patterson's given name unusual. It was not unusual in Scotland at the time to spell Agnes with a double ss. Here is the family group record for Anne's childhood family.
You'll notice Anne had two siblings named Robert. The first was born in 1795, the second in 1798. When a child died young, parents would often name a subsequent child after him, such as with the two Roberts in this family. It was exciting to find that Anne had a sister, Margaret. We found her birth record but no subsequent documentation. She might also have died in childhood, which would explain why she (and her first brother Robert) had become lost from living memory by the time Frank wrote his book.
Next post we will jump into the family life of William and Anne (Findlay) Greenlees, as they raise their family in Kilmacolm.
References:
[1] Frank Darroch, A Darroch Family in Scotland and in Canada (Harriston, Ontario, 1974), 62.
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinster#cite_note-Zsuzsa_Berend_2000-8, retrieved April 30, 2022.
[3] Darroch, A Darroch Family, 62.
[4] Ibid., 41-45.